Episode Seven

Whew, after a much needed break, we're back. Yep, Bret and the girls took last week off and it gave us all time for reflection. At some point we really do need to ask ourselves what the hell we're doing watching this show. Or, what the hell WE are doing watching and writing about this dribble. Isn't there some good Tolstoy lying around somewhere????

On with the show.

Ashley is just full of bile. What an angry woman. I don't think that I've seen such an angry woman. At least not since Hugh Grant found cheated on Liz Hurley with Devine Brown.

Going to Alabama. Excellent. Mebbe we're gonna learn to stew up some possum for good eats.

Truck shop games. Finally, an original idea for season three. We've retreaded for six full episodes up till now. Let's git it on!!!

BAM. And it comes out. Taya looks down on Ashley and Farrah because they are strippers. Yep, we nailed it a few weeks ago when we called them out as being dancers. Really, what else could these two be good for. The dichotomy of Bret keeping strippers around after all the shit-talking he's done about them the last two years (Heather, Brandi B, Daisy). He lets them get close, just not to the holy grail.

Beer belly flop. Excellent. And little Kelsey from Utah goes for the no-bra flop. Now that's thinking outside the box. Or maybe with her box. And Ashley again just brutal with the venom toward Beverly, her teammate. At this point, Ashley defines a "hater".

The go-go dancer sucked at the pole dance. Cami's a stripper too??????? Whoah. Nice move.

So Farrah goes for the whole "reverse psychology" and wants Taya to dance with the pole. Yep, let her embarrass herself in front of everyone. That Farrah, she's a thinker alright. Taya has got skills with the pole. Must be jacked up from winning the Pet of the Year award. Or maybe they practice pole dancing in between shoots at the Ranch.

Farrah and Kelsey figuring it out like "Scooby and Shaggy, solving a mystery." Oh, that's rich. Nothing like an obscenely-breasted stripper comparing herself to a couple of cartoon boobs.

Loving the way that Farrah pulls her shirt down trying to influence the judges. She's letting us know that she's real "creative". Creativity is spelled b-o-o-b-s.

Kelsey wants to thank her girls. Which girls? Teammates or 'the girls'?

Now we're in Alabama.

Bret visits the hotel room to chat it up with the ladies. What's going on with the chick with pierced dimples? Did they take markers to her chest? What up with that? Idle minds and hands ...

Aw, Bret is spending some quality time with the Blue Team. Ashley takes command. Beverly gets sloppy with no idea what's going on.

Kami has issue with other girls throwing themselves at him. How does she not know this is going on? Does she live in a cave? Is she not familiar with the casting couch? Rock groupies? Whores in general?? And Bret is rather unsympathetic. One more gone. This may be the best self-selection in three seasons. She made the decision and didn't get all wishy-washy like CJ and some of the others.

And Kelsey starts to show her true colors. Getting a little bitchy.

Damn, they get their own Wally World adventure. All by their lonesome.

This is the episode of quotes. First, we had Farrah as "Scooby and Shaggy". Next we've got her saying "I don't want to speak badly about anyone, but I think Taya is kinda fake." Does that parallel with the Southern tradition of, "_______, bless her soul . . ." Well, we are in 'Bama after all. The cat-claws are coming out strong.

See, now Kelsey shows a sweeter side. Oh, and Farrah chimes in again with "she looks like she's kissing her dad." Man, that girl is on a role. If this gig doesn't work out and the stripping thing gets old, she's a ringer for the opening act in Vegas.

Oh, and it gets ugly on the bus. Tag team on Taya.

Who are these people getting this crazy for Bret?

Man, Farrah and Kelsey are slammed. Big John lays down the law. They are shit-tay. And the quote of the year, "I specifically asked you not be slutty." Kelsey just loses it. A total meltdown. Holy crap. Laying on the speed bump crying, with cigarette in her hand. Awesome.

And here comes Big John, enforcer, coach, inspirational leader. He's greater than Ghandi.

Elimination.

The stage seems a little bare. These three are worse off than the girl from the first episode. OK, if you record this, just freeze it right before Bret walks in. In recap from left to right. Mindy's looking cute, ready to see her man. Plus, she's at home in the South. Brooklyn is composed, stickin the plan. Taya is her usual narcessistic self. Farrah, with her hand on her hip, leg sticking out, trying not to too drunk. Kinda like the first time when you come home drunk in high school. Kelsey is just glassey-eyed. Ashley, barely standing. Brittanya looks pissed with her hands on her hips, etc. Even her tits look pissed. No one likes an angry boob. And Beverly is a bit miffed as well. The bet is that Bev's picked up a few lbs. on the road. That lifestyle can really pack on the pounds.

Ashley picks up the best quote. "I puked like, a lot." Smooth.

Kelsey says she's ready to face the music. And the music slams her in the face. In front of one and all he gives her the boot. And Ashley asides to Farrah, "I don't think she has any of my clothes so it is OK." She does not quit. As drunk as she is, it just keeps spewing out of her. Someone must have killed her puppy as a child.