E True Hollywood Story

Oh, this should be good. Some how, some way, we have a true Hollywood story on our man Bret. I mean, really, he's no Tawny Kattaan.

And there we have it, the prototypical kid photos. There's his Dad, Wally. Yep, same guy that we saw at the Nichols' wedding.

Yes, they are telling us that Bret was anything buy normal. Yeah, that's fair. Oh they are talking about his diabetes. You know, this could explain a lot. Maybe he's living day to day since we never know what could happen to him next 'cus of the disease.

Oh, did we mention that this episode is sponsored by Midol? I shit you not. Right-hand corner of the screen.

Oh, on camera he just admitted that his buddy Ricky is the first and only guy to give him a perm. Who EVER wants to admit to that??? I guess we shouldn't be ashamed of our past - a lesson from Bret.

You know, it would cool to see the numbers about his Q-rating. Let's face it, four years ago he's a total schmuck. If you mentioned his name, you laughed and compared him to Vince Neal of Motley Crue. Losers. I mean, at least Vince at least had a porn filmed with Janine Lindemuller. But he's really gone somewhere with this reality TV thing.

Oh, this makeup thing really grew quickly. Kinda like a disease. But apparently it worked. Who knew? I'm thinking punk bands like the Cure going with makeup, but rock bands? Really did go on a limb with that one. And Glam-rock was born.

"An important business meeting at the Dairy Queen." Can you imagine being able to look back on yourself and laugh that much for such a rediculous scene?

You know, I expected to watch this and laugh my ass off, but I gotta say that the way this show is playing out, these guys really did lay it all out there. Getting kicked out of apartments quarterly. Sounds funny now, but could you imagine living that lifestyle? Hell, I've never missed a payment on anything. Rule follower, and they did it as a way of life. Rock on boys!!!

Now, I just recognized something. I don't think anyone would mistake Bret for being a talented musician, although that's what I think the recognition he's dying for. All of the interviews done with him are in the studio in front of the mixing board. Yeah, he's crying out for recognize him. He loves calling himself a 'rocker' but I think he wants to be a latter day Dylan. He really wants to be considered a musician, not a rocker. Maybe not Mozart, but I think he'd settle for Dan Fogelberg.

I love the way he put it "I was tempted." With the chicks they are putting on camera, he was a lot more than tempted.

Oh, this is kinda cool to see his different looks. There's different looks all through the years, some of which you can not recognize, but the voice is the same.

Uh oh, time for the drama part of THS. If you don't know, everyone that they profile has some major crisis that they have to overcome to be the success they are. And Bret's issue is a bike wreck. Drink riding. Damn.

"Every Rose has it's Thorn", has entered the room. It was the 900 lb. gorrilla we've been waiting for. And he comes clean that it is the exotic dancer he was dating that cheated on him that drove him to write it. Check the previous entries regarding Bret and the bad girls. This must have been the skank that started it all.

Bret finds a girl. Yeah, she's pretty hot.

And CC is the hardest drinker and drug guy in the band. Who knew?? And it all falls apart at the MTV Music Awards. Trading punches backstage between Bret and CC. Mebbe he's as tough as he presents to be.

And the band falls down.

How do you replace your lead guitar player mid-way through a tour? Do you just keep players that know your repetoire in your rollodex??

Damn, another wreck. This time on four wheels. 80 miles a hour wrecking a Ferrari. Who knew that he was so beat up? Lost four front teeth, broken nose, ribs, fingers... eeek!!!

He shagged with Pamela Anderson? Before Tommy? Good for him 'cus no one wants go in behind that. If you know what I'm talkin 'bout...

Oh no. He wanted to be a movie star. Oh, this is stuff that shouldn't come out. "A Letter From Death Row" Look it up. Straight to video.

There was a secret sex tape with him and Pam?? Again, beats Tommy to the punch. This puts him way above Vince. Janine was hot, very hot, but she's no Pam. He sued the guys trying to push the tape and they each took home over a mil. So what made her willing to put out another film? Could it be the thunder??? Does Bret have something to hide?? OK, just kidding, can't bust unless I'm willing to go there myself??

Bret goes solo. Oh, second album is a country album. This explains the hat. So he blends the bandana with the hat to meld his two worlds of rock and country.

Two kids, Rain and Georgia. Their mom's pretty hot in her own right. He was with her for nine years. So it is possible.

Big John shows up. Good to see ya. Bret going to Iraq.

Oh snap, they are talking about some crazed fan that took gun shots at his tour bus. Oh, that's screwed up. Someone is willing to take pot shots at Bret?? It isn't like he's Celine Dion.

Ah on to the show. Jes gets very little mention. Daisy gets lots of camera time. What a shame. No view of Ambre. I guess we'll just have to wait for next weeks RoL for her guest spot.

So who's the production company behind RoL?? Is it Michaels Entertainment?? He could be making serious bank pulling this off.

So that is the burn-through on Bret's THS. No wife editing, no deep thoughts, just a rant as I watch.

Till Sunday, rock on. Time for some hoops.