What episode is it again???

Aw hell, it has been a few weeks since we last saw one another, and I have to say that we missed you dearly. Of course, a weekend bender playing golf with the boyeez and another weekend in the 70's with no plans really took our attention from Bret. It is Tuesday, part of the week is gone, and time to get back in the groove.

While I wait for the end of Dante's Peak so I can press play, I'll take this time for a little pontificating. I am shocked at the level of trash that they have found for this season of the show. The first season seemed so innocent and cute, but there were a few bitches, original personalities, and our initiation to Bret's inner struggle between the good girl and bad girl (read stripper). Ultimately, the good girl was chosen, then the abomination that is his life took over and they never spent any time together after the show. Season two gives us more of the same, but takes us to a new level of nasty, dirty, tattood, skanky, botox-injected, saline maxxed-out hooker in Daisy. But we also found an equal to Bret in Ambre. Equal in age and self-assuredness. She is what appears to be the only professionally successful contestant.

This year we just have a bunch of nasty chicks with very little going for them. Sure, there's a Penthouse Pet, but that's about it. While I'll never consider season one girls dreamboats, we are clearly scraping the bottom of the barrel. We've got three strippers, one Pet, a GoGo dancer, a mother of three, and whatever Mindy is. Bret says that this the last season. Thank God 'cus I dont' think that they can get any lower in their contestants and the skanky drama.

But still we watch, and I blog. Press play now.

This is a good competition, even though it conjures some bullshit about Bret and his relationship with his kids and incorporates giving back to the armed forces. Sweet, they are taking care of the kids in bikinis by the pool. [later edit: after the THS, looks like the Iraq interest is genuine. My bad.]

Shocker, Brittanya has a kid, but kids "get on my nerves". Taya has one too, shocking. Farrah could feed an army of mutant mites, but she is bloated in that bikini. Who's flippin her a sawbuck for a lap dance? Who's' legs are that strong???

Getting a little girl to paint your nude tats. Christ, that girl is the queen of trash. [later edit: just found out that the tat is of her. Nude. Should I be shocked??]

Another shocker, Ashley has a kid too. That is seven women and at least four have kids. What ever happened to the scarlet letter? I mean, we can't all have the nuclear family, but these numbers are prepsterous.

Good move by Taya for courting the kids. Will it work out??? Who is the best??

Oh, from the mouths of babes, about Bret's babes.

Oh, and Ashley's naked tat is of herself. Too rich.

Beverly is just just out of control. She doesn't handle losing well. Oh, she's gettin plowed - have another pint of Grey Goose. Who's gonna be holding her hair back when she's riding the ceramic throne? Not handling her liquor well, or at all. You gotta believe that this is her ticket home.

Anyone notice that Big John is completely in his element on the road? He was cool and shit at the house, but this is where he thrives.

Oh, dagger eyes from Beverly. Getting psycho... And she's wearing cammo. Guys dig the cammo. Going through the levels of drunkeness. Self loathing is stage seven.n Next mood swing in only three minutes (need time for another shot first - please hold).

Yep, I'm missing the McLaughlin Hour for this.

Ah, bitches by the fire. For a guy who is totally washed up, he's having a great time. Not a shabby gig, if you can find it.

Back to the drama that is Bev. Bev on the wagon. Brittanya is taking command. She's got nothing between the ears and it is all still working for her.

Props to Taya and Mindy for finding each other in this myriad of disaster. Mebbe Bret isn't the only one that finds true love on the road. Yum.

Oh, strong move by Jamie. She's been a fly on the wall for weeks with nothing to show for it, but she waited her turn and slid right in when the window opened. Those bitches must have been pretty hammered to run off like that and leave one girl alone with Bret. What statergery.

Great, it is getting bad. Salsa in someone's suitcase. Mmmm, crossing a line, perhaps, but pass the chips (waste not, want not). The best part is that Brittanya is nothing but a follower. She's catching on with the strippers without the game.

Ashley on a date with Bret. And Farrah has to suffer the fools in the room. "Lame"

Oh, nothing says romance like skull vases at the dinner table.

Allie has thrown down that Ashley is Laci, Heather, and Daisy all in one. I believe that we've found one of our finalists. Unless she blows it, she's got the golden ring. And then she blows it by taking up for Farrah. Who gives a crap about Farrah?? What the hell are you here for?? 'Cus there are plenty of stripper girlfriends you can make on the road. But, they do make out a lot. Hmmmm.

Bret is letting us know that he's disenchanted with Taya. How? I'm going on the record that either Taya or Mindy plays the good girl role in the finals. If they keep with the same formula, he's got good versus bad. Dead on that the producers are in his ear letting him know that he needs to keep one of them around.

DOH!!! The "friendship zone" with Farrah. S.W.A.K.O.D. Sealed with a kiss of death. What is really funny is that she may actually be a real person, but she's such a follower of Ashley that there's no chance that the real her will come out. I actually think that about most of the girls.

Bev lays it on the line. If she gets the boot, she had her chance, said her peace, and has to just take what comes knowing that she was honest to him and with herself. And, what she's saying is a fair and reasonable argument.

The Elimination
I wonder, how can he be suddenly soured on Taya when she was great with kids? Next to Mindy, Taya is the hottest one.

Allie just made a parallel. Freeze frame on the girls right after Ashley gets her pass. See Farrah on the right. Give her some leather gloves with her nails sticking out and a can of tear gas and she turns into Big Boob Beth, wife of Dog the Bounty Hunter. Yep, good eye, honey.

Bev seems shocked that Brittanya gets by. Fair 'nuff. And she stays! I'm a little shocked. Mortified is a good word, thank you Taya. Allie thinks she sucks. John thinks she brings nothing to the table other than her looks and the pierced dimples are just fucking stupid. Vapid describes it best.

So who is it? Is there a chance that he's gonna throw out the Pet of the Year??? Really??? There are six women he'd choose over a Pet of the Year?

Nope!! See-ya, Farrah. There are a hundred strippers in Vegas hotter than you.

PS: Catch the "E! True Hollywood Story: Bret Michaels" on Wednesday, March 11, at 8pm on E!