Now we're talking. Finally Bret gets some ass and we're getting into the swing of things. I think most of us could have picked that it'd be Ashley who'd break the seal.
I love that he's hanging out with the new chicks and having a great time with the new girls. Nice spin on the fact that he can't remember their names so he steals a page from Flava-flav and names them by the town they're from. Nice.
Opening:
Going to Nashville. This could be good. Mebbe we won't go to another strip club this episode.
What's up with the 'et' letters on the back of one girl's leg? Did she write his name on her ass? That's always a way to a man't heart. Pause while Allie goes to write my name on her ass.
Check out Big John. Looking respectable. We haven't seen much of him, but now he's sporting a new 'do and a baseball hat instead of a do-rag. Good to see him breaking out of his shell.
MUD BOWL!!!!!
While a lot of the repeat items on this show are tired, this gives your money worth.
Holy crap. Farrah and Ashley could be men. Splitting it up by bus. This is perfect. Working out agressions against one another. Now I'll admit that Ashley can occasionally show some wit with her nastiness, but Farrah is just one angry girl with no game. She tries to be Ashley, but not enough cells upstairs to make a memorable comment.
Wow, this year they are even wearing mouthpieces. The first play has a clothesline tackle. These are some angry bitches and bruises are the course of the day.
Mindy shows good anger. No mercy? No kidding. This is great. Taya's girls get in the way. A booberception. As Ashley says, it is the only times when your boobs DON'T help you score.
Ashley is going Bret (and the firemen) a favor and making it nekkid football.
Kami really doesn't appear to have a whole lot of game. Not much of a conversationalist.
Who's the one trying to tackle Bret? I didn't know he's fair game. Good for him.
Who doesn't want to be one of those firemen?? This is a story that they'll be telling forever in the fire house.
This is too rich. Farrah comes up with a "If he'd been going off of hotness, we would have won." What in the world makes her think she's hot? $10K in vastly oversized funbags to cover the gut she's carrying around? There's some real loss of a sense of reality with some of these girls. I was thinking I'd use the word perspective, but these girls have no perspective. That's a leap that is soooo beyond the capacity of these girls - especially Farrah.
The Date With Mindy
She's home grown southern. That may even be a stronger accent than Rodeo.
That makes me think what's missing with this season. There are just no memorable, unique personalities. Season One gave us Laci, Rodeo, and Heather. We hardly even remember Jes, the girl that won (Allie had to correct me on her name, I called her Jen. That's how much she sticks out), but the other three left a pretty strong impresson. Season Two gave us "Face-time", Angelique the whacked-out French hooker/stripper, and the nasty Daisy. What will we remember from this season? We're six episodes in and there's really not much to hang our hat on. Ashley's a nasty, mean girl, but completely forgettable with not one original thing coming out of her head. And everyone else is just blah. Heck, but this time in Season One we already had a four-way in Bret's room. They really need to get to work here.
Back to the show. Just a bunch of whiney bitches. Man, I feel like I'm letting the blog down, but these folks really aren't giving us a whole lot of material. Well, except for Mindy and the corndog that could easily have come from Wilt Chamberlain, if you know what I mean.
The piped-in crowd noise is great. There looks to be 500 people there, but they make it seem like there are 10,000 cheering fans. Good work by the production crew.
"Leapord is my favorite cat." Yeah, I'm thinking it is a cat that starts with a P.
They are definitely making Nashville look pretty good.
Mindy can't even walk. She's got a noticeable limp. She totally plays these other girls and they think nothing went on. While I don't think that Mindy is a savvy player, this is a good move on her part to keep her lips sealed, well, at least once she got back to the hotel. Kelsey totally fell for it.
There's no way in my mind that Farrah and Ashley aren't strippers.
Date With the Winners
Real bummer for Bret. A guy he knew passed in Iraq. While I'm cynical about Bret since I find him pretty shallow, this is a tough part for him. And that kills the date for these girls. Too bad for them that they played so hard, but they get nothing on their date.
Brittanya is mute. I think I hear crickets. Nice. I think I called her vapid last week. I'm not sure that I'm off base there. For a girl with the tats and piercing, I'd expect more of an outgoing, self-confident personality, but there's nothing coming from her. But, this is the girl who pierced her dimples...
Touching moment between Bret and the girl lost her Dad and Bret. She does seem like she wants to be there tho...
Elimination
I'm thinking Brittanya is headed out. She's hot, but there's nothing coming out of her.
Ow. Mindy doesn't get the first tag and she's butt-hurt. But she get's number two. And she's 34!!???!!!!??? Who could tell that? Gotta say that I'm surprised. I figured almost all of them were in their early twenties.
Down to three. What's up with Jen's lopsided hair?
Does anyone else think that Kelsey is Brandi B from the the first season?
And he sends Jen home. Man, that's tough. But, probably a wise move - she's not in the right emotional headspace to deal with these crazy bi-otches.
OK, what is up with her hair? Long on the right, then long on the left. Make up your mind!!! UG - thank god this is the last season!!!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Where's Obama for This Crisis???
As avid viewers of the Rock of Love Bus, we too have noticed that this years 'contestants' are reaching new levels. I believe these folks said it the best.
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/in_the_know_are_reality_shows
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/in_the_know_are_reality_shows
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Episode Five
This afternoon, before we started into our weekly little ditty, I had a thought about Marcia. You know, she really did it right. She was completely honest that she really doesn't have the hots for Bret, but she was the queen of the party scene. In the belief that "it is better to burn out, than to fade away," Marcia took that to heart. She's off somewhere right now burning out...
Oh, and another thing. Allie noted how there's no more 'touching good-byes' during elimination. No hugs, kisses, last minute grab-a-thons, nuthin. The girls just get the "your tour ends here, I gotta a bus to catch so just stand there feeling ashamed with the cameras on you while I walk away." Yep, life is hard on the road. Back at the house, he'd at least walk them to the door.
OK, on with the show. I wonder where we'll go this week. I've heard great things about Edna, OH.
Still in Chicago. Headed to St. Louis. Woooooo! None of them know where that is.
So, we're travelling. Man, Ashley is hard core. Can you imagine coming home to that each night. Leave one sock laying on the floor and she's gonna be all over your "sloppy" ass.
I swear, we're omnicient. Last episode we noted that Bret hasn't had as much hands-on luvin as in the past. Opening right up, he comes out with it. Yep, he hasn't had any "connections" on the tour. In other words, Bret needs to get his freak on and can't believe he hasn't shagged any of the posse as of yet.
Oh, another strip club. What a shock. I may have to turn in my 'man-badge' pretty soon 'cus this is getting old. Well, a twist, he found three chicks at the Greyhound station and wants to make them into hotties.
Natasha steps forward. "This will be a piece of cake. I know what I'm doing. I've been to cosmetology school." Thank God for that. Whew, what a relief to know that the bag ladies are in such experienced hands. Reminds Allie of Dumb and Dumber when he's running down the jetway screaming back at security, "it's OK, I'm a limo driver." If they wind up staying at a Holiday Inn Express, it is all over.
Yeah, it is a total put-on. Pretty sure the bag-ladies have some "experience".
Ashley's team is loaded. You've got Natasha, the cosmetologist, and Ashley who's main qualification in the area of makeovers is that she's "hot", if she does say so herself. Somehow I gots to believe that this won't be a What Not to Wear episode.
Anyone notice that Farrah is speaking a lot more? She's a clear little sister of Ashley.
He's pulled a twist with a three-way tie and dating all of the captains on a date. And he's gonna bring the new skanks onto the bus. Yeah, he's playing the numbers game. He didn't get any ass in the first four episodes so he needs to increase his odds. Good plan.
Finally, Bret comes to the realization that some of these girls "may just be here to party." Oh, and he comes clean that "he's a little hurt right now." New math: brutha ain't got no ass equals "feelings hurt." He's a bitch.
Brittanya thows down class warfare. Too hot to compete with this girls. Almost feel sorry for these new girls, they can't help it if Bret wanted them to stay.
Aw, Ashley starts crying. Give us strength. She's got a bruised ego, nothing but. Holy crap, did she really accuse Natasha of being a man?? Bret is "really attracted to" Ashley. Why not - it's a sure thing. I got $50 that says that she's a stripper. He's said time and time again that he has issues with that, but he's working to get some ass.
How did the new girls suddenly get luggage? Clothes?
You know, Ashley may have a point. Natasha does have a tu-tu on that could be covering the package...
The Date:
Mindy throws her hat in the ring. Gotta admit, she's hot and seems relatively sane. Not clowned-up like Ashley, Farrah, and several of the others. Could this be the good girl that makes it to the final two? I say it is between her and Taya for the good girl role. I'm thinking Beverly is now on the way out. I would say she's on the way down, but that could paint the wrong picture.
Man, Brittanya has a temper. What a whack-job. Her ritalin prescription must have run out in Indy.
Wait, Bret says that he and Natasha are brutally honest with each other. There's some build up. How does one subtly ask such a thing? Say it. SAY IT!!! "Are those beans and franks under that tutu or are you just happy to see me???"
Tick-tock-tick-tock
He chickens out. Couldn't he at least have searched for an Adams apple?
Back to the hotel:
Bret's getting to know the new girls. One has a daughter turning three. He's got a three and eight year old. Whoah, did we just have a Keanu Reeves moment? Isn't this the third season? Three year old? Checking the math, he started filming this stuff when his youngest either wasn't born yet, or at least less than one. Now that's staying power.
Bev decides to call him out in front of everyone. And he lays it out. Well, that soured the mood. Truth hurts, don't it BITCHES?!?!
Time for Bret to get some Ashley. Yeah, just what we figured. He could call almost any girl into his bus and a get it on. Just snap the fingers and it is on like Donkey-Kong. If the bus is rockin, don't come a-knockin.
Bev gets upset over this. Did she not see either of the first two seasons?? Is there a mystery here? The only mystery we were aware of was how long it took for the bus to start rocking this season!
Ashley's walk of shame. She and Farrah are clearly two birds of a feather.
Next morning:
Bret pulls the new girls out on a date. Yeah, this is sweet. He's playing the jealousy game to see who of the originals really gives a damn. Head games. Now we see the dastardly plan in it's entirety.
Date night at the bowling alley. Good move. This is real quality time. This will wind up the other hens in a HUGE way.
Pre-Elimination:
We're back for the requisite Bret work out scene. Didn't have any kick boxing practice or Thai Chi to make him appear all intellectual, worldly, and shit.
Brittanya walks in saying that she's shy and innocent. And she's walking in wearing nothing but a small piece of tin foil. Yep, that's shy and demure. There's nothing upstairs with this girl. And again, while we're at it, what's up with the pierced dimples? Her pierced cheeks look like the little silver candies you put on a gingerbread man. Ridiculous - Put the piercing gun down.
Elimination:
He keeps the new girls. Good way to stir the pot. Allie is pleased as she is already sick of the other girls.
He kept Beverly. I thought he may have booted her or she self-selects.
Down to three. Farrah is kept. Booo! In reality, she could tryly be a man - that would be irony considering her smack about Natasha. Did you see the legs on her? Like tree trunks. Squats 350-400 easy.
OOOOO, he drops the 'friend' line to Natasha. We all have had the "Friend" line dropped on us at some point in our lives...Kiss of death. Yep, she's gone. There'll be a strip search on the way out. No Willie Wonka underneath that skirt. He breaks with tradition and he gives her a hug. Bret does have a heart in season three. Except he walks her back to her position on the stage so they can film the last few minutes of humiliation. Sweet.
The close:
Bret, in his own words, wants everyone to know taht he didn't kick Natasha off 'cus he thinks she's a man. Just for posterity. But, one can't be too safe in this day and age........
Oh, and another thing. Allie noted how there's no more 'touching good-byes' during elimination. No hugs, kisses, last minute grab-a-thons, nuthin. The girls just get the "your tour ends here, I gotta a bus to catch so just stand there feeling ashamed with the cameras on you while I walk away." Yep, life is hard on the road. Back at the house, he'd at least walk them to the door.
OK, on with the show. I wonder where we'll go this week. I've heard great things about Edna, OH.
Still in Chicago. Headed to St. Louis. Woooooo! None of them know where that is.
So, we're travelling. Man, Ashley is hard core. Can you imagine coming home to that each night. Leave one sock laying on the floor and she's gonna be all over your "sloppy" ass.
I swear, we're omnicient. Last episode we noted that Bret hasn't had as much hands-on luvin as in the past. Opening right up, he comes out with it. Yep, he hasn't had any "connections" on the tour. In other words, Bret needs to get his freak on and can't believe he hasn't shagged any of the posse as of yet.
Oh, another strip club. What a shock. I may have to turn in my 'man-badge' pretty soon 'cus this is getting old. Well, a twist, he found three chicks at the Greyhound station and wants to make them into hotties.
Natasha steps forward. "This will be a piece of cake. I know what I'm doing. I've been to cosmetology school." Thank God for that. Whew, what a relief to know that the bag ladies are in such experienced hands. Reminds Allie of Dumb and Dumber when he's running down the jetway screaming back at security, "it's OK, I'm a limo driver." If they wind up staying at a Holiday Inn Express, it is all over.
Yeah, it is a total put-on. Pretty sure the bag-ladies have some "experience".
Ashley's team is loaded. You've got Natasha, the cosmetologist, and Ashley who's main qualification in the area of makeovers is that she's "hot", if she does say so herself. Somehow I gots to believe that this won't be a What Not to Wear episode.
Anyone notice that Farrah is speaking a lot more? She's a clear little sister of Ashley.
He's pulled a twist with a three-way tie and dating all of the captains on a date. And he's gonna bring the new skanks onto the bus. Yeah, he's playing the numbers game. He didn't get any ass in the first four episodes so he needs to increase his odds. Good plan.
Finally, Bret comes to the realization that some of these girls "may just be here to party." Oh, and he comes clean that "he's a little hurt right now." New math: brutha ain't got no ass equals "feelings hurt." He's a bitch.
Brittanya thows down class warfare. Too hot to compete with this girls. Almost feel sorry for these new girls, they can't help it if Bret wanted them to stay.
Aw, Ashley starts crying. Give us strength. She's got a bruised ego, nothing but. Holy crap, did she really accuse Natasha of being a man?? Bret is "really attracted to" Ashley. Why not - it's a sure thing. I got $50 that says that she's a stripper. He's said time and time again that he has issues with that, but he's working to get some ass.
How did the new girls suddenly get luggage? Clothes?
You know, Ashley may have a point. Natasha does have a tu-tu on that could be covering the package...
The Date:
Mindy throws her hat in the ring. Gotta admit, she's hot and seems relatively sane. Not clowned-up like Ashley, Farrah, and several of the others. Could this be the good girl that makes it to the final two? I say it is between her and Taya for the good girl role. I'm thinking Beverly is now on the way out. I would say she's on the way down, but that could paint the wrong picture.
Man, Brittanya has a temper. What a whack-job. Her ritalin prescription must have run out in Indy.
Wait, Bret says that he and Natasha are brutally honest with each other. There's some build up. How does one subtly ask such a thing? Say it. SAY IT!!! "Are those beans and franks under that tutu or are you just happy to see me???"
Tick-tock-tick-tock
He chickens out. Couldn't he at least have searched for an Adams apple?
Back to the hotel:
Bret's getting to know the new girls. One has a daughter turning three. He's got a three and eight year old. Whoah, did we just have a Keanu Reeves moment? Isn't this the third season? Three year old? Checking the math, he started filming this stuff when his youngest either wasn't born yet, or at least less than one. Now that's staying power.
Bev decides to call him out in front of everyone. And he lays it out. Well, that soured the mood. Truth hurts, don't it BITCHES?!?!
Time for Bret to get some Ashley. Yeah, just what we figured. He could call almost any girl into his bus and a get it on. Just snap the fingers and it is on like Donkey-Kong. If the bus is rockin, don't come a-knockin.
Bev gets upset over this. Did she not see either of the first two seasons?? Is there a mystery here? The only mystery we were aware of was how long it took for the bus to start rocking this season!
Ashley's walk of shame. She and Farrah are clearly two birds of a feather.
Next morning:
Bret pulls the new girls out on a date. Yeah, this is sweet. He's playing the jealousy game to see who of the originals really gives a damn. Head games. Now we see the dastardly plan in it's entirety.
Date night at the bowling alley. Good move. This is real quality time. This will wind up the other hens in a HUGE way.
Pre-Elimination:
We're back for the requisite Bret work out scene. Didn't have any kick boxing practice or Thai Chi to make him appear all intellectual, worldly, and shit.
Brittanya walks in saying that she's shy and innocent. And she's walking in wearing nothing but a small piece of tin foil. Yep, that's shy and demure. There's nothing upstairs with this girl. And again, while we're at it, what's up with the pierced dimples? Her pierced cheeks look like the little silver candies you put on a gingerbread man. Ridiculous - Put the piercing gun down.
Elimination:
He keeps the new girls. Good way to stir the pot. Allie is pleased as she is already sick of the other girls.
He kept Beverly. I thought he may have booted her or she self-selects.
Down to three. Farrah is kept. Booo! In reality, she could tryly be a man - that would be irony considering her smack about Natasha. Did you see the legs on her? Like tree trunks. Squats 350-400 easy.
OOOOO, he drops the 'friend' line to Natasha. We all have had the "Friend" line dropped on us at some point in our lives...Kiss of death. Yep, she's gone. There'll be a strip search on the way out. No Willie Wonka underneath that skirt. He breaks with tradition and he gives her a hug. Bret does have a heart in season three. Except he walks her back to her position on the stage so they can film the last few minutes of humiliation. Sweet.
The close:
Bret, in his own words, wants everyone to know taht he didn't kick Natasha off 'cus he thinks she's a man. Just for posterity. But, one can't be too safe in this day and age........
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