Episode Nine

OK, before we watch, I'm betting that he'll use the phrase "the sexy six." With such a limited budget, I'm sure they are struggling with finding writers so they'll just retread the previous season's lame nicknames. Couldn't they have brought Flav in to give an assist? I gotta believe he'll work for cheap and was full of nicknames during FoL.

So who do we have left? Let's see (hand rubbing on chin)...

Ashley: Stripper. Single mom. Set new levels of trashy-ness with every word that comes out of her mouth. Imagine coming home to her when she's in a bad mood. That vicious attitude and razor tongue unleashed on you, and not in a good way. I can't, for the life of me, see what is to like about her. Nasty tats, circus boobs, bad makeup, and bad hair. Take away the freakish boobs, she looks to be in shape, a must for her job (but not for Farrah) - yep, that's the compliment that I can come up with for her.

Taya: Penthouse Pet. Single mom. Former stripper. Gets into too much drama. Other than that, just not sure what's wrong with her. Based on Bret's previous relationships (re: Pam Anderson) it seems like she'd be right up his alley.

Julie: We think a stripper, since they did pick her up at the strip club after the show started. Seems level headed, doesn't get into any issues with anyone else. But nothing stands out about her.

Brittanya: "Go Go Dancer". Single mom and possibly not a good one. Vapid was our word from day one. We've consulted Roget and like "namby-pamby" and "vacant" as other strong adjectives. Wierd tats. Strange pierced dimples (run out of things to pierce???). Nice figure. But the girl can't carry a conversation to save her life. There's nothing there, or certainly nothing worth talking about upstairs. Crickets.

Mindy: Great body. Yep, that's what we know. I think she's from Alabama, but that's all we know. She didn't mention kids, did mention that she has a real job, and that's what I recall. Older than most of the rest, I think in her early thirties.

Beverly: No occupation that we know of. Single mother of three. Drunk. Serious drunk. Anger issues when drinking. Real boobs. Rocker kinda chick. She's the real fan of his and is comfortable with the lifestyle, except for the other girls around him. Maybe too comfortable with the lifestyle. I'd have some serious questions if the three kids are from different fathers.

Does anyone remember the big deal of Rodeo's kid? Two years ago this was monumental. Even last season with Christy Joe and her two kids there was some level of taboo-ness. This year I think we have four moms left. Does that mean next week we can have the fertile five??? I think even Flav could come up with that one.

I'm all about Taya or Mindy. Of course, I'm in for the good girls. When I count down the remaining six, we have one bad girl in Ashley, one potentially bad girl (if she had a brain) in Brittanya (BTW, did anyone see her dumping OJ during the infamous salsa incident last week?), and four nice girls with Bev nice, but strange and with issues. I'm betting Bret will go for Ashley and Mindy for the final two.


On with the show.

They open with the girls waiting to see who won and who didn't. Ashley takes it hard that Farrah is gone, weeping for her eliminated BFF.

I'm wrong, "The Smoking Hot Six".

I just found out that her name is Jamie, not Julie. Yeah, that's how much she stands out. Oops.

Nicer conversation, the girls just chatting. Ashley: "This is the most boring conversation I've ever had. I'd rather say nothing than talk to this group."

Ambre is back. She still looks real good. Oh, and they dated for ten months. Do the math. How can that be right? And how often could they have been together. And Heather. Allie is thinking Heather is looking better, definitely better than she did in season one. She's aged reasonably well. The money she gets from these things are probably paying for some 'work'. And Brittanya has issue with Heather 'cus Heather had issue with Daisy. I imagine that she and Daisy could have been BFFs in a different time and place.

The ex's episode. Bev takes it badly that her ex didn't show. Too badly. So, he didn't want to air his dirty laundry on a cheesy VH-1 show...honestly, having a hard time holding that against him.

Here's what I love, they use the term ex. I've said this before and I'll say it again, unless you were married, the term 'ex' should not be used in any way. Dating, living together, none of it means a damned bit if you didn't make the commitment to get married. To call an old boyfriend/girlfriend an 'ex' is a poor way of trying to parallel that relationship with being married. Feh. [John has ranted. WTF, it is our blog, ranting is what it is here for.]

Oh, and the trash comes out. Brittanya's guy is named Royal T. Oh, that's too funny. And, so so so fitting.

Bret takes the girls for a few drinks. Yeah, just a recipe for disaster with Bev already in a bad mood. Throwing oil into a hot pan.

So Jamie is a rock groupie. Hmmmmm. Could be good.

Now we meet Ashley's left tit moniker, James. This guy is here to take her back. Yeah, I want to meet the guy who's name is on my girl's fun bag. This guy is a little too confident. Thinking that Bret hasn't bagged Ashley? He's fooling himself. Roll back the tape!!

Volcano Bev is about to erupt. Awesome. In an effort to "help", Ashley offers a shot of alcohol. Nice move on her part. Turn up the heat on the drunk.

"Whassa Going On Court". We love the use of Allie's favorite Bret quote. Nice. Maybe they did hire a writer. This is beyond Flav.

Is Jamie a gypsy? What's with the headband? Little bit of a crazy groupie. Is she just in for the band life? ABBA cover band groupie wanna be?

Ashley is thinking about leaving. Sweet - The gig is up! You knew that evil hosebag (wife's word) has got plenty to be ashamed of and not enough character to stand up for her history. To be expected. Taya is just pissing on the fire (smells very bad by the way) and telling her that she shouldn't be afraid of anything if it isn't true. It is like the angel and devil sitting on Pinto's shoulders in Animal House: Devil - "Fuck her. Go ahead, look at those cream puffs." Angel - "No, that would be wrong." Taya is playing the angel and getting into Ashley's head. Sweet. This is the kinda thing we all hoped would happen one day to her, and to Laci from the first season. You know that Big John will be reporting back on this.

DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!! Ashley lives with this guy. Fire. Flames. Absolute combustion. We're talking Independence Day blow ups. Watch for them on the next season of "Vegas Ink".

Taya was doing fine. She's a burlesque dancer. The this Jaz freak goes off. He just gets a little nutty. You wonder if he intentionally went off just to deflect the attention from her. Of course he did seem kinda weird when Ambre was talking to him previously. Very very psycho.

Brittanya's day in "court". The previews made this seem like an event. Bret's line of the year, "Lies make baby Jesus cry." The wife cackles. Nice. This guy, Royal T, is also out of control. Brittanya then gets all emotional. Here's the best part, while I know this was edited, she didn't even listen to what Heather was saying. He did say that shit and she's not even listening. This girl has gone from waterish (Roget) to pungent in a few minutes. What I've just realized is that this girl isn't vapid, she's stupid (or stoopid for those in WVA). Here's no higher thoughts out of her besides eating, screwing, and fighting. Nothing. Ok, fair enough, we'll add getting tattoos and piercings. But, after that, NOTHING. Got the three+ basic levels down, but I don't see her reading Proust late into the night. Beetle Bailey maybe, but that's as far as she goes.

Now, Bret just realizes what's he's got left. This was absolutely the best thing they could have done. While I personally never care to meet my wife's former boyfriends, this has been revealing. So far, every girl that we consider trash, has shown her true colors through her own actions and those of the boyfriends and proved to the "jury" beyond any reasonable doubt that they are trash.

Beverly: No one stands in for her. She was pregnant at 17. Yeah, that can cause some serious anger. She held up well in front of Ambre and Heather, but her out-takes afterwards showed some bile. They are probably right though, she never got a chance to cut loose so now is her chance. Fair enough - known plenty of people like that.

Mindy comes out smelling like a rose. Like we knew she would. What I am getting out of Mindy is that she's moldable to who she's dating. We still have no idea what she does for a living or how she passes her time.

Ashley and James. Yep, she couldn't even spit it out that they live together. One mark that she has for her is that they have a kid together and are raising the child. Daisy had no excuse. And they differ on whether they still sleep together. He says yes, she says no. This is too damned funny. He's here to take her home, she tells us she's ready to move on. How can you move on when you share a roof? Stupid girl. And amazingly stupid choice of sperm donor.

As an aside, like any crazy situation, it's the kids who are the victims. Wish them the best, they are gonna need it with these people for parents.

The review. Bret may have just nailed it with Bev. The girl didn't get her teens and twenties since she was married and raising kids. Not having custody of the kids is a mark in my eyes as well - what's the story on that?

Elimination:
So who do we say good-bye to tonight. I'm going with Ashley, Allie is saying the spitter, Brittanya.

Ashley came up to the hotel room to talk to Bret. The girl is desperate. And Bret must be thinking she is lying her ass off. Here's the funny part. Can he imagine being with her, having joint custody of the child, and this asshole showing up for visitation on a regular basis? No chance. Just stepping into a mess with this skank. Who wants that at 44 when you already have your own child-rearing issues?

Jamie just goes nuts when she's picked for her pass.

Taya gets emotional. She is a drama queen. Love the violins in the background.

Beverly needs counseling. Maybe she just needs a good lay? At least she got married. Props for her over the two remaining skanks.

And the candle burns down.

No big shock and no big heart ache that "The Spitter" is sent packing. Adios.

Ashley said that not telling him about living with James is just "the one thing." There's no understanding for her beyond this. She does not get the gravity of her situation. If she's just say that she is here open and ready to fall in love, she can stay. Hmm, ah, silence...

And they are both gone!!!!!!!!!! Let the trumpets blare. Fanfare. We're both right!!! Yep, the skank couldn't look him in the eye. The best part is that she lashes out at the others after she's gone. No concept that she's responsible for her own actions.

Holy shit. We just got four good girls. How in the hell did that happen? Has Bret really figured it out? Does he finally know what he's looking for? Or at least think he knows? The earth has shaken, the seas boil, and the heavens open! The week will go so slowly until next Sunday...