Episode Two

Episode Two:
OK, we've talked a lot this week about the quality of the contestants for this season. With the threat that Bretwill quit if he doesn't find a girl on this season I think they've pulled out all the skanks. Which got me to thinkin, in the first two seasons he wound up with a final two of a good girl (Jes and Ambre) and a skank (Heather and Daisy). And I kind a think the good girls got gooder and the skanks got skankier. As nasty as Daisy was/is, I'm not sure that she holds a candle to some of these girls. And Daisy is a tremendous skank by any, like, measure. So if we're progressively headed in two directions, then what this season is really missing is Sister Mary Margaret. Then, when Bret chooses the good girl, as he's done twice previously, we'll have the two of them run off to the convent together.

Oh, and another thought. We'll try to do a better job of framing where we are in the show when these comments happen. But since the $$ haven't started rolling in yet, you'll get what you get.
While I'm thinking about it, how about the list of towns where he's playing. The opening episode had him playing in Louisville. I think we're going to see the delights of Nantucket, Cheboygen, and Mizzoula.

Did I mention that I predict that we'll see tears in every episode this season. These skanks are trashy, but emotionally crippled at the same time. This is a recipe for fun.

Opening:
Allie is surprised that the girls have to sleep together. No complaining on my part.

Hoo Doggie, we're goin to Indy. And now we'll get to see a complete mockery of the institution of marriage. Good advice on the bus - if you can't come up with vows, start drinkin.

Constandina is going to do some sort of Indian vows. Great, nothing like arranged marriage vows. Priest: "Do your parents take this man to be your lawful wedded husband? Accepting three cows and a goat in exchange for your life as an indentured survant walking five feet behind your husband?" Bride: "Yep, that's me. Ready to donate my clitoris and self respect for the sanctity of marriage. All that talk about the temple and whatnot."

Yeah, these aren't smart girls. It is fine if you don't want to dress the part, but then you better come with some strong vows. Beverly the Rocker Girl could bite it if she doesn't get in the spirit. But we appreciate the attempt at being the non-slutty, more original contestant.

Porn-star is a 'singer-songwriter'? Who knew?? Five pages of vows? She hurts. Definitely not enough hugs.

Yeah, he went for the kiss straight up on the model. She is a strong candidate.

And the belly dance starts. And well received. Also original...she won't make it to the end because she's just too out there, but we may learn more about here.

Samantha is this season's Ambre. "I promise to always be easy". Nice.

Loving Bret's shirt. Note to self, sport the Bret Micheal's look for the wedding in PR.
A plaster mold of her chest by Mindy. That is fantastic. That's a good surprise. I'd think Lloyds of London would require a plaster cast so them puppies can be insured. How else could you identify them if something happened to them. Photos just wouldn't do.

Aw crap, Brittaney is "truly hurt" as she doesn't get picked. This woman is just an open wound. Just plain psycho. Drama, drama, drama and it is just the second episode. Did this chick have to go to therapy after every porn movie 'cus the guy did her, wiped it on her back, and walked away???

And to the reception:
Holy crap, Brittany is over the edge with the bikini dance.

"Are you smarter than a rock star?" That's too good 'cus these girls are thinkers. Taya is a screamer. Look out for that one. These 'interrupt cards were a great idea'. And more tears from Brittaney. Christ, she must be getting dehydrated with all the cryin.

And the race card is played by the porn star. Sweet. They are making this season dynamic.


The date:
"Ah, my future ex-wives". Yeah, he's truly rolling in it now. This is better than being in the house. I hate to say it, but this mobile RoL is truly Bret in his element.

I just figured out that the cheek-pierced chick has a necklace with brass-knuckles. Oh, that just screams she's the one to take home to Mom and Dad. Toss in the clitoral piercing and she's made a name for herself. (BTW, there are to many chicks to get all of the names right. I SWEAR it will get better as the numbers dwindle.)

So what are the other girls doing at the pool:
Marcia is one big lover of the tequila. Yeah, she's a solid drinker.

Melissa, one cute girl who probably should have addressed the roots issue before the show. She's back at sending the ultimatums. Have any of these girls ever seen the show before?

Constantina just threw up the total cock-block. Three year vow of celebacy. Hmmmm, poor timing. Maybe Buddha didn't teach the lessons of the casting couch. Might have to go back and read the Upanishads, baby.

Selection time:
Please, for the love of all that is right in the world, porn-star needs to go home. And check into a facility. I mean really. I have to admit, I wuz loving the thought of having a 'performer' on the show, but this girl has worn out the welcome in two episodes. This was a perfect chance to stand up for mainstreaming porn, much like Ron Jeremy in Big Brother, but this could set the industry back big-time.

Megan is the next Jes.

Oh, three are going home today.

Taya is one confident chick. Of course being a Penthouse Pet doesn't hurt ego.

You have to be kidding me. Brittaney stays? Yep, that's a shocker. He booted two good girls and the Gypsy. What up with that? Yeah, this is a clear case of the producers getting in his ear. I'm betting that none of the last six had any chance, but the three he kept made more noise and will make better TV. And, therefore, more blog fodder. Bring it.